•••

"It's time," Angel replied slowly. "We've done all we can to weaken Wolfram & Hart; now we..."

"Go in for the kill," She finished for him. "Chicken or salmon tonight?"

"Salmon," Angel said. "With capers?" He added hopefully.

"With capers," Cordelia assured him. "But what about the cubs?"

"We'll protect them," Angel murmured. "They'll stay at the hotel, always under guard." He didn't like the idea of having the children so close to their nemesis either. However, if they ever wanted to have a settled life for the five youngsters, they had to finish this business with Wolfram & Hart.

"Whatever," Cordelia grumbled. "Could you go see what Julian and Mischa are up to? I haven't heard anything from their room in hours." It sounded to the dark vampire like she really said, 'Get away from me before I kill you with this wooden spoon I'm holding.'

Angel nodded and left the seer alone in the kitchen as he wandered back to the children's room. The slightest of giggles caught his attention as he peered around the doorframe.

"Jelly!" Julian cried as he looked up. Angel swore the cub had a sixth sense when it came to knowing where the vampire was. "Look at Wil. Isn't he pretty?"

Angel nodded, biting his lips to keep from laughing. All five cubs were in the bedroom, along with Wil and Oz. The place was a total disaster; clothes, blankets and toys strewn everywhere. But it wasn’t that mess that had Angel nearly doubled over; no, it was Wil's and Oz's appearance. The children had found Cordelia's makeup.

Wil's blond curls had been ratted into a dandelion-like puffball, with Thalia's favorite pink poodle barrettes interspersed throughout. A suspicious glob of hair gel--at least, Angel *thought* it was hair gel--was sort of dripping down Wil's ear and onto his shirt. One or more of the cubs had applied eyeliner to the vampire's brow, but instead of highlighting, they had drawn a second, scratchy set of eyebrows rather high up on Wil's forehead. It gave him the appearance of being permanently horrified. Thick black kohl ringed his eyes, lines of it straggling here and there drawn with all the skill a three year old could muster. Incredibly dark lipstick was smeared around the blonde's mouth and chin, and even a bit on his nose. And of course there was the blusher, which covered almost everything on Wil's face that didn't have other makeup on it.

The dark vampire turned to Oz, hoping that the alpha werewolf had faired better and would thus prevent Angel from laughing out loud and angering both the cubs and the adults. Unfortunately it was not to be. Whatever cosmetic gel that had been applied to Wil's ear completely covered Oz's purple hair, slicking it back in a wet glob. The werewolf's face was snow white dotted randomly with hot pink and his eyebrows had been done in lipstick. Red lipstick. His eyelids had been smeared with black lipstick, all the way down to his cheekbones. Something that looked like mascara was caked on Oz's lips and nose.

The werewolf and the blonde vampire stared hard at Angel, daring him to laugh.

"Do you wanna makeover too?" Fran asked hopefully, holding up a tube of liquid eyeliner. Angel shook his head vigorously, making his earrings swing and twinkle in the bright incandescent lights of the room.

Julian's lower lip began to quiver. "You don't like it." He whimpered, eyes tearing up.

Angel flinched. "I like it fine," The vampire managed to get out. "But I'm not pretty enough for a makeover. It wouldn't do any good."

Mischa squealed, as did Siobhan. "Yes you are! Oz is pretty now, so you will be too."

Angel thought that Oz might have looked a bit insulted by that statement, but it was hard to tell underneath all the makeup. "Well, I'm sure you're tired of giving makeovers, since you spent so much time on them."

"Get down here," Wil growled.

Angel smiled nervously. "Uh, maybe I'll go help your mom make dinner. It's salmon tonight!"

"With green things?" Siobhan asked, wrinkling her nose.

Angel nodded.

"Don't help her!" Thalia exclaimed. "Play with us! And maybe there won't be green things."

Angel began to pull his head out of the room. Oz and Wil both growled, just as all five cubs rushed the vampire. He could've gotten away, but they all had such bright, hopeful faces turned up to him. "Ok, ok," He conceded. "But you don't have to do anything to my hair," He added as the cubs led him into the room, sitting him between Oz and Wil. The two previous victims were sitting stoically, but that might have been because the makeup made it hard to move their faces.

•••

"Are those capers?" Gunn asked as he hugged Cordelia from behind, peeking over her shoulder. "I hate capers."

"You and half the kids," Cordelia muttered. "But Angel loves them."

"Which explains so much about the rest of his diet," Gunn said. Cordelia didn't make any kind of remark about his jab, which concerned him. "Something bothering you?"

She shrugged. "I don't want to leave."

Gunn slumped down into a chair. "Too late for that, Delia. Xander and Wes are out of their jobs Friday, the lease is up, and we've already started packing and getting rid of stuff."

"I know," She said sharply. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Never thought I'd hear you say you didn't want to go back to the big city, where it's warm and there's always a sale," Gunn commented.

"And a bunch of evil, nasty lawyers who could hurt our babies," She snapped.

"Who aren't going to get within fifty feet of our babies," Gunn said evenly. "Do you think I'd take them somewhere where they won't be safe?"

"Isn't that what we're doing?" Cordelia said harshly. "Yeah, we've done a lot to bring Wolfram & Hart down. But what if it's not enough? Then what? The cubs will be right there, easy to reach."

"Between the eight of us and Buffy's gang, I think we can manage it," Gunn replied. Cordelia said nothing, simply continuing to stir whatever was in the pot in front of her. Gunn could tell, though, from her posture that she was still very angry.

When Xander came in from outside, followed by Fred and Wesley, they found the kitchen a rather uncomfortable place to be. Gunn and Cordelia were having a staring contest; well, Gunn was staring at Cordelia and she was staring at a pot. "Er, where are the kids?" Xander asked, looking around. "Thought we'd ask them if they wanted to help out with the cars." The cubs wouldn't actually do any helping, but they'd have a blast getting in the way. Packing was like that, slow and messy but exciting at the same time.

"Try their room," Gunn murmured. "They might be asleep. Were earlier." Wil and Oz had been watching the cubs ever since lunch.

The minute they walked into the cubs' bedroom, though, the three friends understood why the children had been so quiet. They were up to mischief.

Serious mischief. Angel was...gray. His skin glimmered and sparkled with iridescent eye shadow powder, caked on thickly. It gathered in the corners of his eyes, making fat tears stream down to his chin. The dark, muddy mass dripped down onto his pants, leaving more sparkly trails. Red lipstick curled in abstract patterns over his ears and the nape of his neck, and it looked as though someone had dumped an entire bottle of foundation in his hair and stirred it around. Around the two vampires and the alpha werewolf stood five small children, holding out tubes of makeup and studying their work with great concentration. A tiny hand reached out, leaving a crooked trail of black liquid crawling down Angel's nose.

Fred, Wesley and Xander collapsed onto the floor, laughing like hyenas. How the cubs had managed to convince Angel, Wil and Oz to hold still for that was beyond them. It must have taken hours to pile that much makeup on the three men. "Why..." Xander began, gasping, "Why didn't you...make them stop?"

Wil ignored Xander's cackling and turned to Mischa. "Mischa? I think Xander, Fred and Wesley would just love to have a makeover too."

Wesley stopped laughing when he saw Fran come at him with a container of tinted blemish crème. "No, Fran, I'm fi--" The faun was cut off as a handful of the tan lotion was smacked onto his forehead and rubbed in. Little hands slid into his hair and over his cheeks, smearing the liquid everywhere. The screech next to him told Wesley that Fred had not been spared. Indeed, when he managed to look over, he could just see his lover's face, covered in the remnants of a tube of lipstick. Most of Wesley's vision, though, was blocked by the stuff dirtying up his glasses.

"Cordelia!" Xander screamed as Siobhan and Julian caught him in a one-two punch, the little girl grabbing his hair with two gel-filled hands as Julian wielded a pot of paste rouge. Since Xander's mouth was wide open when Julian first tried to apply the blush that was where the stuff went, covering Xander's teeth with bright red makeup. The next attempt was little better as the boy's fingers slid up and around Xander's nose and eyes, leaving bloody trails of gunk everywhere. Siobhan didn't stay still, twisting her fingers around until Xander's hair stood straight up.

Wesley was about to join Xander's cry for the cubs' mother when One of the little imps hit him dead on with a huge body powder puff. A big cloud of white dust rose around him as the child backed away. Fred looked over to see Wesley, mouth hanging open, face now snowy. The talcum powder was even in his mouth, which didn't look right at all. The faun slowly took off his glasses to clear them, leaving two big flesh-colored spots exposed on his face. That was a mistake.

"No," Wesley moaned as something soft and greasy hit his eyelids. He knew they could overpower the children, get up off the floor and escape. It just went against everything they knew, however. The cubs had them wrapped around their little fingers, and none of them could deny the children anything--even the opportunity to torture adults with makeup.

"What the--?" Gunn said from the doorway. The room was... his friends were... "Delia!" He shouted. "The cubs got in your makeup!" The man stared down at his children, who had frozen at the sound of their father's voice. "Who told you that you could get into mom's makeup?"

Ten hands pointed at various people on the floor--cubs, fauns, Raphe, vampires, werewolves. Gunn rolled his eyes. "Funny. Hah, hah."

"Oh. My. God." Cordelia stared. Her children had done that? She didn't think she owned that much makeup. And that red was way too bright for Oz's complexion. "Who did this?" She asked, voice hard.

The cubs raised their hands. Gunn snorted. It was so very much like his children to ignore his authority.

Cordelia walked over to Thalia, who still had a tube of red lipstick in one hand. "Did you put this on Oz?"

The little girl nodded, eyes frightened.

The seer took the stick and set it down. "Honey, that's way too bright for Oz; he's really pale, like Wil. For them you should use something less...vivid. Like this," She said, reaching over for an abandoned tube of something peachy-pink and light. "See?" She murmured, drawing the stuff along Oz's arm. "Much better. For Wil too," She continued, streaking the stuff over the vampire's neck.

"Oh," Thalia whispered. Her mommy was so smart.

"Now, why don't we all wash our hands before dinner?" Cordelia asked as she stood back up. The cubs followed her out of the room, heading for the sink. She paused, turning back to look at the mess on the floor. "Not to be rude or anything, but guys? The Tammy Faye look is so five minutes ago."

•••

"Stop that."

Angel glared at Wil as he got in the car. "It itches."

"It's been itching for three days," Wil muttered. "Soap. Just industrial soap."

"And when was the last time you scrubbed your scalp with industrial strength soap for an hour to get foundation out?" Angel inquired hotly.

"I was there, remember?" Wil said. "Dark lipstick, pale skin? Stains?"

Angel gave Mischa and Julian's child seats a once-over. The two cubs were secure and already asleep. At least the first part of their cross-country drive would be peaceful. Xander waved to them, trying to get the vampires to move more quickly. The other car and their newly acquired van were ready to go, and unlike Cordelia, Xander was actually eager to hit the road.

They'd barely made the city limits when Wil's cell phone rang. "What?" He asked quietly, knowing it was either Xander or Fred.

"Shouldn't we call ahead?" Xander asked for the ninetieth time. "I mean, what if they haven't dusted our rooms? It's been a decade! Can you imagine--"

Wil cut him off. "We'll let them know we're coming when we're closer," The blonde said quietly. "It's going to take us four days to get there."

"Right," Xander said after a moment. "So we call tomorrow?"

Wil hung up the phone. At least they were taking this trip slow and easy and would be stopping at a hotel before daybreak. Otherwise Xander would be dead long before they reached their destination. The young man could drive a corpse to the brink of insanity.

The phone rang again a couple of minutes later. "Hmm?" Wil murmured into the receiver.

"Can we get something to eat soon? I’m starved," Xander said brightly.

"There are crackers and juice in the floorboard behind you," Wil said flatly. "Eat that."

"But that's cold and boring!" Xander whined. "And all these places are op--"

Wil hung up the phone and tossed it onto the dashboard.

Angel was about to ask Wil for a snack about an hour later when the phone rang yet again. "Yes?" Wil said hesitantly.

"Xander needs to stop and use the restroom," Fred muttered.

"Why are you calling? Why isn't he?" Wil asked.

"He said you hung up on him the last two times he called," Fred replied.

"Bloody hell," Wil snarled, directing Angel to pull over somewhere. This trip was going to be hell. Utter hell.

"Don't curse," Angel said automatically as Wil voiced his opinion.

Wil's growl made the cubs giggle.