•••

“Excuse me?” Angel echoed.

Cordelia grinned. “I’ll say it one more time, in little bitty words. You, Angel, are going to assemble furniture. That sexy blonde bed-bunny of yours is going to help you.” She pointed at a large yellow toolbox on the floor. “Those are your implements of construction. Do not leave this room until you’re finished.”

“Don’t leave?” Wil asked. “Not even for—“

“If you say bathroom, I’ll sock you,” Cordelia warned. “Somebody will bring you blood.”

“Why can’t we leave?” Angel whined.

“Because the only window coverings we have right now are in this room and this place is nothing but glass. And the basement is off-limits until we finish getting it shoveled out,” She replied. “Grin and bear it, ok?”

The seer waddled out of Wil and Angel’s prison, chuckling softly. She was in charge of the now-ritual house cleaning and damned happy to be the boss. No actual work for her, just lots of yelling. And she got to pick out *all* the colors. In fact, Gunn was supposed to be driving her to the store right about now.

“She’s making us stay in here,” Angel said disbelievingly. “In this room. The walls are *orange*.”

“I am *NOT* a bed-bunny,” Wil muttered.

•••

“Cordy, if we split up the lists we can get everything bought today,” Xander reasoned. “And you won’t be all tired out.”

“I don’t trust you,” She replied.

Gunn glanced at Xander, making obvious ‘shut the hell up’ motions. “Baby, we just want what you want.”

Wesley rolled his eyes and put his glamour spell into place. They were at the home improvement center, where horns and hooves wouldn’t fit in very well. “Hmm…” He murmured. “Perhaps after you pick out the paint chips, we can stay here and finish purchasing supplies while you and Gunn pick out the furniture,” The faun suggested.

Cordelia smiled hugely. “That’s a wonderful idea, Wes!” She said brightly. “See, Xander? That’s how you do diplomatic.”

Xander scowled and grabbed a shopping cart. “I hate Home Depot.” Oz and Fred pulled into the spot next to them and joined the group as they entered the store.

Cordelia made a beeline for the paint department, leaving a trail of frantically rushing people behind her. Gunn caught up just as she began to pull down slips of paper. “Which one do you think, Charles? Eggplant, Aubergine, Concord, Royal, Imperial?”

Xander peered over Cordelia’s shoulder. “They all look like purple to me,” The Raphe commented.

Cordelia thwapped him with the paper. “That’s because you’re an idiot. I think the Royal is perfect. Don’t you, Wesley?”

“Yes, certainly,” Wesley murmured. Xander made a kissy face at the faun and started flipping through a small book of design ideas.

The group’s enthusiastic perusal of paint chips soon drew the attention of several employees. Cordelia took full advantage of the situation, accepting the offer of a chair while the young men showed her hundreds of colors of paint. Xander retreated to study plumbing fixtures, as did Oz. Xander was man enough to admit that Cordelia scared him shitless, particularly when she was nesting. And this very definitely qualified as nesting.

“You’re really liking the chrome one, aren’t you?” Oz asked. Xander looked up at the display he was standing near.

“Er, yeah. It’s all…shiny.” He moved on, finding himself next to a urinal. “But not as shiny as that!”

“Don’t eat the big white mint,” Oz murmured. “Maybe we should look for those blinds Cordelia wanted.”

Xander obediently followed Oz through the store, playing with bins of stuff along the way. “Can we have one of these?” Xander asked, holding up a paint roller.

Oz studied the implement. “It makes a border print,” He said, looking closer. “Of baby blocks.”

“Cool!” Xander replied. “Cordy would love that!”

Oz cocked a skeptical eyebrow but said nothing. Xander grinned and chose another roller as well, this one with bats and cats on it—a Halloween themed craft roller.

“For the family room,” Xander explained.

“Blinds,” Oz reminded him. “Lots of them.”

A few minutes later they located the needed blinds. They weren’t cheap, but Cordelia had been insistent. Regular slatted blinds weren’t good enough for her, since they sometimes let in a sliver of light. She wanted these solid paper ones that were a lot nicer. They were also opaque. “I’ve got that list,” Xander said, pulling out a piece of paper. “Mostly black, but some white and ecru. What’s ecru?”

“Off white,” Oz murmured. “What are the measurements?”

•••

“So that’s all?” The young man asked Cordelia. She was pushing herself out of her chair, with Gunn’s assistance.

“Yup. My friends here will take care of placing the orders,” Cordelia replied. “Thanks for all your help!”

Wesley and Fred watched the pair walk away, already bickering good-naturedly about furniture. “I suppose we should get started. Remember, no satin or flat paint,” Wesley murmured. “We need five gallons of the first one, labeled ‘dining room’…”

“Where are Oz and Xander?” Fred asked as she watched pigment drip into paint cans.

“Finding blinds, kitchen fixtures, and shower heads, I hope,” Wesley replied. “Else we will be here all day.”

Xander and Oz showed up about half an hour later, with all the things on their lists save the paint. There were five carts, all full to overflowing. It looked like they’d co-opted half the store’s staff to push them. “How’s the paint coming?” Xander asked, still playing with the paint roller.

“Almost finished,” Fred answered. “Just waiting for the midnight carmine.”

“Then we can get out of here?” Xander asked hopefully. “And grab some food?”

“Yes, please,” Wesley muttered. “Perhaps something nice, to put off the work that we must start when we get back to the house.”

“Hey, at least we’re not Wil and Angel. They’re stuck putting together baby furniture,” Fred reminded her lover.

“Point,” Xander said. “They must be in hell.”

•••

“There isn’t a three-eighths inch panhead screw in the bag,” Angel said patiently.

“Yes, there is,” Wil insisted. “It’s black. I put it next to the seven-eighths inch wood screw.”

“That’s a half-inch sheet-metal screw,” Angel told him.

“Then where’s the panhead?” Wil asked.

“I don’t know,” The dark vampire replied. “If I did, I’d give it to you. Use this instead,” He continued, handing over another screw.

“I can’t,” Wil muttered. “It’s a five-eighths inch screw and too long. We’re not supposed to use this until step 11f.”

“Oh,” Angel murmured.

“What did you use in step 4jj?” Wil inquired suspiciously.

“A screw,” Angel said innocently.

“Which one?”

Angel pointed to the frame.

Wil swore. “Damn it, that’s the panhead! You were supposed to use the three-eighths inch drywall screw!”

“Sorry,” Angel muttered, moving to switch the screws. “Now what?”

Wil took the proffered screw and finished his task. “Now we move on to step 6k—inserting the casters.”

•••

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Gunn said. “You are *not* putting *that* in Angel’s bedroom.”

“Why not?” Cordelia asked curiously. “It’s in great shape and it’s pretty.”

“It’s chrome, *shiny* chrome,” Gunn explained. “Reminds me of a…”

“A what?” Cordelia hissed.

“Brothel,” Gunn said resolutely.

“Good!” Cordelia replied. “Just what they need.”

“Wil’s gonna kill me,” Gunn murmured as he gestured for the attendant. Cordelia was a thrift store goddess; she’d already outfitted almost every room in the house. It was all being delivered that very day, too.

“Nah, he’ll love it,” The seer assured him.

“What about the dining room?” He continued. “We don’t have anything for that.”

“And we’re not gonna find it here,” Cordelia replied. “But there’s still one place left on the list.”

•••

“She wants *this* color on the ceiling?” Xander asked, holding out the paint can lid. “You’re sure?”

“It’s on the list, right here. Jordan Almond Yellow, kitchen ceiling,” Fred said. “Along with Royal Purple on the cabinets and Verdant Green on the trim.”

“And the chrome fixtures,” Wesley murmured, holding up a bag. “We will certainly never mistake the kitchen for any other room.”

Oz studied the list. “Xander and I can paint the basement,” He offered. “We just need all the white and ‘Dreaming of Blue’ paint.”

“All of it?” Xander asked, eyes wide. “Why all of it?”

“White and Dreaming of Blue—floor, ceiling, walls,” Oz replied, holding up the paper. “Lot of painting to do.”

“Oh gods, they’re gonna kill us,” Xander moaned. “Who’s taking them their blood?”

“You are,” Wesley remarked.

•••

Wil sipped his blood, grateful that Angel had researched enough to know where to get it fresh. “They’re painting,” He said as Angel sat down on the floor.

“I know,” Angel muttered. “And the furniture is arriving.”

“Are they going to let us out of here?”

“They can’t make us stay, not after dark,” Angel warned.

“You’re going to fight Cordelia?” Wil asked.

“Damn it.”

“At least we got one bed put together,” Wil commented.

“We’ve got another to do, plus all the other furniture. And what if she bought something new that needs assembling?” Angel inquired.

“Bookshelves aren’t that bad,” Wil said.

“Says you,” Angel stated. “You weren’t around to work on them last time.”

•••

“Wow.”

Cordelia grinned.

“I’ll say it again. Wow,” Xander murmured. “I wasn’t so sure about it when we started, but wow.”

“You’ve said that already,” Oz told his lover. “It’s original.”

“Are you pleased?” Wesley asked the werewolf seer.

“Very,” Cordelia said proudly.

“Can we let the vamps out yet?” Fred asked.

“Sure,” She replied. “But I’m going to bed. It’s been a very long day.”

The others agreed and decided to free Angel and Wil on their way to sleep. The vampires had been none too happy at being relegated to furniture assembly—at least until they found out they were being spared the job of painting. Now the furniture was completely finished, as was the rest of the house, save one room. They’d paint that in the morning.

•••

“It’s white.”

“And blue,” Wil added. “Blue, with white sponge-painted over it.”

“The bed is chrome.”

“But the covers are white,” Wil said to Angel. “Very, very white.

“The floor looks like the sky,” Angel stated.

“With fluffy clouds everywhere. Like we’re outside on a beautiful day,” Wil murmured.

“Why is there white silk hanging from the ceiling?” Angel inquired.

“It’s decoration,” Wil assured him.

“She wants us to hang ourselves? It doesn’t work on vampires.”

“I think she wanted us to have a nice place to live,” Wil replied quietly.

That seemed to get Angel’s attention. “It’s lovely,” He admitted. “Just very…”

“Stereotypically vampiric?” Wil joked.

“Not exactly,” Angel retorted. “It is quite…different.”

“I must agree; all that silk is distracting,” Wil murmured.

Angel’s eyes crossed, imagining Wil sprawled out amidst a sea of white silk. Maybe he should get Cordelia something nice, for the baby.

“What’s in the box?” Wil inquired, seeing Vince’s gift on one of their dressers.

“Going away present from Vince,” Angel said absently.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Wil inquired.

“Why don’t you?” Angel replied.

Wil went over to the box, peeling away the tape. “I shudder to think of what he might consider a good gift.”

“That’s why I didn’t open it before,” Angel admitted.

The blonde smiled as he opened the box. Inside were two more boxes, each one marked with either ‘Todd’ or ‘Riley’. “I still can’t believe you called me ‘Todd.’”

Angel accepted his box, opening it gingerly. Inside it he found a truly stunning Chinese erotic jade carving. A quick glance told him that Wil had received a similar gift. The dark vampire knew they were worth a fortune. “Ah…”

“Guess you really made an impression,” Wil murmured. He set the carving on his dresser. “You know, I was expecting lube, or handcuffs.”

“He’s already given us all of that,” Angel remarked.

Wil studied his sculpture. “You know, I’m thinking these aren’t actually that old.”

Angel looked more closely. “No, they couldn’t be.”

“Because if I’m not mistaken,” Wil continued, “The majority of pieces in this genre involved men and women together in that position.”

Angel ran his hand over the two men in his gift. “Very true.”

“Still, very lovely,” Wil finished. “You’ll have to send him a thank-you card.”