“Erk,” Xander moaned. Finding himself face-down with dirt in his mouth was becoming a habit—and not one he relished forming.

“Alexander.” Xander’s head whipped up.

“You,” he spat. “Was that really called for? It hurt!”

Thraid Alel chuckled. “The test, Alexander. It is time.”

Xander stood up gingerly. “Fine. What’s this test about?”

“Tell me, Alexander, what would you be willing to sacrifice? Your life? Or perhaps your friends, your family,” Thraid Alel inquired.

“To save the world from a pack of rabid demons?” Xander retorted, “Anything.”

“Anything?” The demon echoed. “Your love—you would give up the chance to reunite with Anyanka? Would you give up you’re freedom, your soul, your humanity? Everything that you are?”

Xander shuffled a bit. “I don’t see why that’s important,” He hedged. “I mean, I came here willingly, and that should say something.”

“You thought your very coming here was sacrifice enough,” Thraid Alel accused. “It means nothing! That you chose to come here says only that you wanted the Altenalium enough to make a move for it. It in no way shows your willingness to accept loss for gain.”

“Then I guess I’d give up anything,” Xander replied shortly. “Because I don’t want to see my home get torn up by these demons.”

“Anything, or everything?” Thraid Alel asked. “And what if your home, Sunnydale, was no longer your home?”

“I’m doing this for other places too,” Xander replied. “And I already said I’d give up anything.”

“Everything?” The demon repeated.

“Yeah, I guess,” Xander huffed. “My life, my soul, my existence, everything. The friends and family bit. Anya. All of it. I don’t like that you’re asking me that, and I think that you’re just trying to get at me. You want to scare me so I’ll fail and leave you with the Altenalium and go off and die in some cave and make the place smell bad for the next person who comes looking for it.”

“I see,” The demon hummed. “So you are not willing to sacrifice, but only to say you are willing to do so?”

Xander growled. “I said I was, and I am. What, you’re going to make me promise not to talk to my friends anymore, or throw myself on a sword?”

“Perhaps later,” Thraid Alel murmured. Xander got impatient waiting for the demon to say something else.

“So, did I pass?”

“Not yet,” The demon said. As its voice faded, Xander started to get dizzy. He sank down to the ground, holding his head. Instead of passing out, however, he started seeing things. Horrible things.

Willow, beaten and bloodied, torn limb from limb. He couldn’t reach for her, couldn’t help her.

Buffy, staking humans, laughing as they bled out onto the ground. Giles helping her, conjuring demons, opening the Hellmouth.

Anya, with Angel of all people. Telling him how much happier she was with big vampire dick. Telling him how useless he was in bed.

His parents, refusing to acknowledge his existence. Passing by him like he wasn’t even there.

People he didn’t know, masses of them, dying. Blood everywhere. People killing people, empty eyes, crazed voices.

He stood in the middle of it all, frozen. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t stop. He was a witness only, uninvolved. Nothing touched him, no one threatened him. But he saw it all.

•••

Spike stood patiently, knowing that eventually his test would come. He just hoped it wouldn’t be his past coming back to haunt him again. That hadn’t been fun the first time and he wasn’t sure he could do it again.

“William.”

“Can we get this over with?” Spike asked the demon.

Thraid Alel laughed. “Of course. What are you willing to give, for the Altenalium?”

“Everything,” Spike replied quickly.

“Your life, such as it is?” The demon asked.

“Yes.”

“Your freedom?”

“I don’t have that to give, but if I did, I would,” Spike replied honestly.

“Very true. What about your soul?”

Spike paused. “Yes.”

“It means so little to you?”

“It means everything to me, and I said I would give everything,” Spike answered.

“Ah,” Thraid Alel murmured. “Would you give up the chance to be loved?”

“Yes,” Spike said. “Not that that’s much of a sacrifice for me.”

“On the contrary, I believe it is more important to you than your soul,” The demon countered. “You rather desperately need to be loved—an odd characteristic for a vampire.”

Spike growled. “Any other questions before we determine that I would be more than happy to throw myself into a fire to get the damned thing?”

Thraid Alel laughed softly. It wasn’t a pleasant sound. “William, would you relinquish the joy of solitude for eternity, to save this world you so cherish?”

Spike paused. Before he could answer, he felt a slight shift in the air around him. Thraid Alel was gone. The vampire stood there for a long time, trying to tease apart what the demon had meant by that last comment. Slowly, so gradually that he almost missed it, voices began to speak. He strained to hear them, to understand.

"Do you love me, William?" Dru, lying in a pool of blood, the corpses of children scattered around her.

"Ah, sweetest William," Angelus crooned as he threw the blonde vampire to the ground. "Still charming the ladies with your innocent's face."

"Oh, look. The Bleached Menace. What, couldn't find another crazy she-vamp?" Buffy, waving a stake in his face.

Spike clapped his hands over his ears, trying to shut out the noise.

•••

Wesley felt the presence of Thraid Alel before the demon started speaking. “A student of stillness, I see.”

“At times, yes,” Wesley admitted. “As are you.”

“Why are you here?” Thraid Alel asked. “You are betrayed and betrayer and feel no connection to the others. This battle is not yours.”

“Regardless of my relationships with the others, I am here to help,” Wesley answered tentatively.

“Help a world you do not like?” Thraid Alel pressed. “And you do hate it.”

“I do,” He admitted. “But its residents seem to like it well enough.”

“How much would you give, to save this world?”

“What do you want?” Wesley inquired.

“I want nothing,” Thraid Alel answered. “But, as is said in your world, nothing is free. All things of value require sacrifice.”

“What is it you want me to sacrifice? My life?” Wesley asked harshly. “My soul? What?”

“What are you unwilling to give?” Thraid Alel countered.

“I have nothing of so great a value that I would not give it,” He said.

“I see,” The demon murmured. “You would end your own existence, send yourself to suffer in the worst depths of hell, watch as the woman you love goes off with another, all for this world you cannot even tolerate?”

“Yes,” Wesley answered. “I would.”

“Would you? Promise me," The demon insisted. "I want to hear you say it. Swear to me."

"I will do anything, give up everything, for the Altenalium, to save my world," Wesley swore. The demon laughed.

Wesley frowned and began to speak again, to tell the demon that he wasn't going to play its games. That wasn't what came out, however.

"I was only trying to help," Wesley cried. "To keep him safe. The father shall kill the son."

"I did my best. Faith was uncontrollable," He begged. "She couldn't be controlled."

He tried to stop talking, even going so far as biting his tongue. It didn't work, though. Words kept pouring out, unbidden.

•••

“I find it odd that your Slayer and her kind would send three such uniquely unsuited individuals to retrieve the Altenalium,” Thraid Alel announced. Wesley, Spike and Xander, now recovered from their individual trials, jumped up when the demon spoke. “Why would such a powerful warrior send her weakest soldiers?”

“Regardless, you may have the Altenalium,” Thraid Alel continued. “If you still desire it.”

“We do,” Xander replied for the three men. “And, uh, thanks.”

“Then you shall have it,” The demon announced. “All of it, and I am glad to be quit of it, after all these years.” Thraid Alel began to laugh again, one last time. Xander jumped as a cold, harsh wind began to whip through the cavern. Dust and grit spun in the air, chafing his skin. He heard Wesley cry out as the same treatment knocked the Englishman to the ground.

Spike bent forward, trying to stay upright. Bolts of pain flooded his body as he lost control and fell over. He could hear the others, screaming in agony.

“Yes, the Altenalium you shall have,” Thraid Alel announced, its voice now disembodied. “Its power as well as its curse. As you have accepted it freely, so you shall bear it throughout eternity, bound forever to your very souls.”

Xander felt his head strike rock as he was flung backward. Searing pain continued to streak through his body. His mind felt like it was being torn apart and boiled in pitch.

The last thing the three men heard before they lost consciousness was the dying laughter of Thraid Alel as the demon finally found respite.

•••

Xander woke up in pain. He rolled over onto his side, noting that at least this time he hadn’t landed face first. “Well, thank gods for…” He stopped talking when he realized that there was nothing coming out of his mouth. Nothing at all—not a single sound. /What the hell?/ He thought to himself. He glanced around the cavern. Oddly enough, he could see rather well. The place was enormous; even with his better vision he couldn’t see the ceiling. The pain racing through his body was distracting, but he tried to hold himself together. On the ground not five feet away were Spike and Wesley. They too were just regaining consciousness.

“Christ, that hurt,” Wesley groaned, rubbing his eyes. He opened them and looked around. It was still very dark. “Why me… Why can’t I hear myself?” He asked out loud. He could feel the vibrations of his vocal chords, but his ears detected no sound at all. “What is going on?” He shouted. “Am I deaf now?”

::No, but if you don’t shut up I will be,:: Spike thought to himself. He lay on the ground, listening to Wesley scream. He’d already tried talking, only to realize that he couldn’t speak. Moreover, he couldn’t see anything anymore. That worried him; a blind, mute, chipped vampire was walking ash. Fear began to creep through his agonized body. ::Bloody hell, just shut up, Wesley! You screaming isn’t going to solve anything!::

::Excuse me, but I am in pain and frightened. What do you expect me to do?:: Wesley thought. ::Perhaps dance a jig?::

::Not what I would do. And you were screaming?:: Xander thought. ::Wait a minute. I can’t speak. How did I just…::

::I can’t speak either,:: Spike added. ::Or see. But I can hear very well, and Wesley is screaming. And I hurt.::

::As do I,:: Wesley both said and thought. ::I cannot see either, but this place is dark. I cannot hear myself, though.::

::Um, guys? I can see just fine. We’re on the ground in the middle of this big cave. I still can’t hear Wes, so I’m guessing I can’t hear at all. And I still want to know why I can hear you all in my head!::

::Is this pain ever going to stop?:: Wesley thought. ::How far away are we from each other, Xander?::

::Maybe five feet,:: Xander replied. ::But I can hardly move to get over there. Hurts too much.::

::Try?:: Spike thought. ::We can’t get back through the portal unless we’re together.::

::Trying,:: Xander thought. He struggled to stand, but quickly gave up. Instead, he sort of crawled over to Spike, who was marginally closer. It took him nearly ten minutes of slow moving and frequent breaks to get there. When he did, however, he discovered two things.

First, he wasn’t in nearly as much pain as he had been when he was alone.

Second, he could hear. More specifically, he could hear his breath, and that of Wesley, and of a third person he assumed was Spike. He’d have asked why Spike was breathing, but he didn’t have a voi… ::Spike, I’m right next to you. Why are you breathing?::

::I can see you,:: Spike thought. ::Clear as day.::

::And I can hear,:: Xander confirmed. ::Mucho weird. What about the breathing thing?::

::Dunno. We’d better get to Wes,:: Spike thought. With Xander’s help, he turned over and began to crawl over to Wes. As soon as he began to move away from Xander, his sight dimmed and the pain worsened. ::Bloody hell! Xander, this isn’t working.::

::I know,:: Xander moaned in his head. ::I’m right behind you. Maybe we’d better stick close by.::

“If you have finished, could you please come over here?” Wesley said. “Now that you both can hear me?”

::Sorry,:: Xander thought. ::We’re almost there.::

Wesley could sense that they were; he began to feel better and a dull glow started to appear in front of him. He heard the soft scraping of fabric on stone as the two men arrived. “What an odd occurrence,” He said as they helped him sit up. “I can see and hear now that you are arrived.”

“Hmm,” Xander hummed. “Hey, I can talk!”

“So can I,” Spike murmured. “And the pain’s gone.”

Xander glanced at the vampire. Then he looked closer. “Spike? Uh…” Xander looked down at Wesley. “Guys? Something very, very weird is going on. I mean, wiggy weird. Spike’s red-faced, and both of you guy’s eyes are blue. I mean, all blue, no whites.”

Spike looked down at himself. “What? Red-faced?”

Wesley stared at Xander. “Your eyes are different as well.” He moved closer to Spike, studying the man’s face. After a moment, he reached out a hand, brushing it against the vampire’s cheek. “Spike, you’re warm.”

Spike stopped staring at his hands to look at Wesley. “Warm?” He couldn’t be warm. He was a vampire, a walking corpse with a still heart and… a pulse. A pulse that was thundering in his veins. “I’m…” He blinked rapidly. “I’m not dead.”

Xander moved closer, until he was just touching both Spike and Wesley. “As in not-a-vampire-anymore? That would certainly explain the breathing thing.”

Spike frowned, concentrating. “Can’t vamp out.”

“I would say you are no longer a vampire,” Wesley commented. “Perhaps this has to do with the Altenalium.”

As soon as the ex-Watcher thought about the weapon, memories flooded his mind. From the looks on the other men’s faces, they too were experiencing the rush of images. They bent over under the barrage of information pouring into their minds, unable to control it.

::The Altenalium,:: Wesley thought.

::It’s in us,:: Spike added.

::In our heads?:: Xander asked.

Wesley and Xander felt Spike think, ::no.:: ::It’s not *in* us. We *are* the Altenalium.::

::We’re the Altenalium??:: Xander echoed, still trying to catch one of the pictures racing through his head. He felt something shove its way into his consciousness, like someone had shoved a photo right in his face. ::Oh.::

It was a memory.

::What have we done?:: Wesley murmured silently. He too had accessed the memory. The three men sat slumped together, shoulders keeping each other propped up, while they relived the entire existence of the Altenalium, which had become their existence now.